Getting Down Before Getting Back Up

My body is so weighted down. My four-mile walk yesterday was slower than it has been. My feet and legs feel very heavy. But I finished it, and thought of Jennifer Lopez' performance on the American Music Awards the night before. I have a new "girl crush" on her. If she were a super hero, she would be "Elastica". Whenever she got down on "all fours" and curled her spine, I could not believe how deeply she could go and how fluid she was. She sang and energetically danced through the entire number without breaking a sweat or losing her breath. I was truly amazed, and cheered enthusiastically for her. What a body comeback she has after birthing twins. I know she's rich and probably has personal trainers come to her home and wait on her hand and foot, but she still has to choose to do the work. Just like any of us. We have to choose it, and want it so badly, we can taste it. Why not live my own "charmed" life: just like J. Lo. I have been living a charmed life to a certain extent, but only after I stopped pining for whatever I didn't have, and started being grateful for what all I DO have.

2011 has been a hard year for Me; for Us. We have suffered through the loss of loved ones: Larry's sister, Libby, both of my friend Joyce's parents, and my little grandson, Owen. I have felt much sadness and worry for some of my family members who struggle with addiction or cancer, and I find it difficult to cry. I cried hard for Owen, but the tears seem locked up somehow as I try hard not to worry about my sister's latest diagnosis. Is there something wrong with me?

I was given a gift from Sonia Choquette, one of my spiritual mentors, on Facebook yesterday, and I opened it today. I learned in the first lesson, that instead of beating myself up for not being more emotional in the face of tragedy, I am living as my Spirit Self more than my Ego Self. My Spirit can sit like a burning flame and let Life circle around it without blowing it out. My Spirit is not locked in the undertow of fear or worry, that the Ego Self requires just to survive. I was reminded how to breathe in the Life Force of Spirit, and blow out all the negativity that my Ego is using to bring me down. I realized just how Ego-centric I am! I don't think I am alone in this either. And, like in any other difficult circumstance; knowing I am not alone, is very helpful and healing.

Breathe in...breathe out with an "ah" sound. Share a breath with me now.

I feel a little lighter. Do you? Remember, it's about taking "baby" steps. Choose to take one baby step forward, then another every time you fall. That's what I do, and sometimes I need reminding: like today.