I began blogging a couple of years ago after watching the movie, "Julie and Julia". I followed the fantasy that if I blogged and was successful, I'd get a publishing contract out of it. Well, that contract didn't materialize. But what I did discover is that blogging satisfies my need for immediate gratification. I am publishing. It's not the type of publishing I envisioned, but it is satisfying nonetheless. My cousin told me I have "readers". Me? I get lots of compliments on my voice and my writing style. I'm told I am talented. So, I guess two years of receiving these accolades was enough to build my confidence and allay my publishing fears. I was afraid of both failure and success.
I realized at the childrens' book conference in California many years ago that I confirmed my fear of success. If I publish a successful book, I can't travel all over the country to promote it. I just got rmarried. I can't leave my husband. All these thoughts filled my consciousness and fed my fears. Consequently, I didn't do anything with the feedback I received from agents and publishers at the conference. I just kept plodding along believing that maybe I'd have to let go of this dream. I found a myriad of excuses to do nothing with it.
Most recently, I published a tribute to a good friend who died. One girlfriend told me she saw a book of essays in my future. For some reason, that statement turned a key in my head. I saw that book too! That revelation seen with new eyes and felt with a more open heart caused me to spend the entire next day pulling my memoir writings together. Later that same day, I got an email from Hay House Publishing about the October workshop. The promoters offered the chance to compete for a ten thousand dollar advance and a publishing contract. I decided I could do this.
Finishing a book and submitting it seriously to a publisher will be my next great challenge. Not only do I know I can do this now, I will be spending a long weekend in New York City alone for the very first time. I have never been to this huge city alone before. The experience will be really fun and extremely exciting.
Yesterday, Larry purchased the newest version of Microsoft Word for me to work in. And, I find myself filled with new motivation and enthusiasm. I am no longer afraid! I am excited. I created my first Table of Contents. Woohoo!
I really can make this dream come true. Stay tuned.