Wild Woman

My mentor for being a "Wild Woman" is dying from stroke-related brain damage. She is in her mid-eighties now, and lived a very full life. Thelma was my mother's best friend, and also became a good friend of mine. Although I am feeling sad that she is leaving us, I am happy that she will go to meet my mother, Ellie, in Heaven very soon. Thelma never quite got over losing my mother twelve years ago. She mourned more for Ellie than she did for any of her husbands.

I unsuccessfully searched all morning for older pictures of Thelma, especially of walking on Martha's Vineyard. There are just too many boxes and bins of loose pictures in my house. Thel loved The Vineyard. My mother had five weeks of timeshare on Vineyard Haven, and the two of them used every one, every year. Thelma also had a week just prior to one of my mother's weeks, so they combined it for long vacations that made them so happy. Once my mother stopped driving distances, Thelma drove. They loved nothing better than to visit friends made at Harbor Landing, see sights not yet seen, especially different beaches, watch the ferry come and go, and just sit quietly reading together. I credit Thelma for bringing the "Wild Woman" out of my mother. Ma was always the good girl: quiet and reserved. But, Thelma told me stories of my mother I never would have heard, and I was so grateful to hear them. They were best friends and loved each other very much.

I became good friends with Thelma over time too. We also had many happy and very frank talks as girlfriends. I will treasure those talks always. We would walk on The Vineyard together and she would share her stories.  She also helped me to understand my mother better. Like my mother, Thelma had many children. She had different husbands, and her last one was a motorcycle rider, decades younger than her. I love thinking about Thel riding on the back of a motorcycle in her middle years, smoking cigarettes and drinking booze with the best of them. She loved life and lived it as fully as any woman could. I admired her a great deal.

She was honest and fully in touch with her feelings. She felt guilt for some of her behaviors in the past, but worked every day on forgiving herself and moving forward. I loved talking with Thelma.  We talked about being single for many years, and about how much she loved men and missed sex. We laughed about our respective exploits, and shared many intimate memories that I will hold close to my heart forever.

My mother died before she saw me married and living as a happily married woman. Thelma then became my second mother. She loved Larry, and kissed him full on the mouth every time she saw him. He loved her for that, and says that is how he wants to remember her.

She was incredibly supportive of me as a grown woman. When I bought my first house alone, she consulted with me about the plants I had and taught me how to split a large hosta. Later, she presented me with a lovely photograph she took of the front of my little house with the Rhododendrons in full bloom. Then, she painted a wonderful picture of the house and gave that to me also. She was a very talented artist, who not only made a small living scavenging others' belongings on trash day to sell at flea markets, but sold her painted shells and slates as well. I still treasure those gifts.

Old Cottage in Tiverton

She came to the cottage in Tiverton with me for a private "girls" weekend. This cottage was the last of the original summer cottages on our street, and before we built our current house. If Ma couldn't share my newly acquired blessings, then Thelma was a good "second". We had a lovely weekend talking and enjoying being by the ocean. I so loved my alone time with my good friend.

Our last trip together was to bring her to our lakehouse in South Carolina. She told me my mother would have been so happy for me. She loved it at the lake and we enjoyed a lovely, intimate long weekend there together. She shared my wonder and appreciation of nature.  I remember walking on the dock in the early morning and her eyes grew large with wonder at the dew collected on the lovely spiderwebs that lined the dock railings. We talked about how beautiful they were and she was so happy to share it with me. It was just like having my own mother there. I will always be grateful to Thelma for giving me that gift.

Like most active women who end up with "their wings clipped", Thelma was angry with her body for failing her slowly over time. She hated losing her independence and the ability to do everything she used to do. But, like the "glass-half-full" woman she is, she made lemonade from the lemons that were lobbed her way. She just kept plugging along and finding other little joys to treasure all the same. Her dog, Oliver, is a huge love of her life. Like my mother, she loves her dog like she loves her children. Thelma loves everybody.

My heart is aching at losing my friend any day now. But, I am happy to think that she will once again be a "Wild Woman" in Heaven. Thank you, Thel. See you later. I love you.