Monday, August 27, 2012

Just love her.

"Just love her and let her follow her own path." These are the words that just came to me. I prayed this morning after reading about 'Not Withholding Love' in "Love Without Conditions" by Paul Ferrini. for guidance. I need to figure out how to love and stop judging my niece, Susan. I need help in learning how to live with her in love and understanding; compassion and forgiveness. I must stop trying to rescue her, save her or protect her. I must love her, just as she is. I must stop trying to change her or improve her lot in life.

She is on her own path. I am on mine. Our paths are not the same. That's ok. She has a right to her choices and her path. I must not try to save her with mine, as if mine is better than hers. Hers is to her as mine is to me. We are on our paths to learn our own lessons. Who am I to judge her lessons? Just love her and don't worry about saving, rescuing or helping her. Just give her the love she needs, and don't worry about the rest. "Look at the birds in the sky. They don't plant or harvest or gather food into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. You are more valuable than they are, aren't you?" Matthew 6: International Standard Version.

God will take care of her. I have tried enough. We all have. If she doesn't want to take care of herself or even help her life's condition in any way, who am I to interfere? She is an adult now. She has the right to make her own choices. She is choosing hardship. I must let her reap what she sows in life and love her anyway. We all must do this. In this way, we help her and ourselves. By giving her the love she needs, I bring love to myself. The Law of Attraction says we attract what we put out into the Universe. If I focus on putting Love out there, I will attract Love back to my Self. It feels like a revelation I am seeing with new eyes.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


"De-nial is not just a river in Egypt", is what we say a lot in our family. We called our mother the Queen of Denial. Now  I think I am. I have suspected it for a some time, but today I am certain.

I announced to my friends on Facebook that I am going to finish my memoir and submit it in a contest for a publishing contract. I registered for a New York City conference in October to get information about the process for submission and all the "how-to's". Most recently I received another email from the same publisher to submit my memoir by September 27th for a $5,000 advance and a different contract opportunity.

I just realized this morning I've been writing the wrong memoir! Now I have to start over. Can I get it done on time?

I'm sure I am not the only writer to ask, "Who would read a book about MY life? What makes my story unique?" Well, I certainly have lived a very interesting life, but I have not been able to come up with a tag to make marketing my memoir unique. In all my research about what memoirs are being published, there is always a life-defining moment the authors are relaying: overcoming abuse, disease or something else. The story I have been writing is all over the map; the entirety of my life. While I can certainly relay some very interesting moments, and very likely will some day, my first memoir requires a challenge I have met and grown from to attract a publisher.

I have been in complete denial about the most important, socially relevant part of it: I was an unwed mother in 1969-70! I just realized I have been discounting just how big a deal that is. This fact alone will make my memoir marketable and interesting, even though single parenting is now a pretty common-place life event, especially since Hollywood jumped on board. But, it also means I have to go back to "square one".

Wish me luck. I now have to wrestle the demons I have been denying all these years. My son was a Gift, it's "the squirrels in my head" that now have to come out. Oh boy.

Here is the song I sang to Chris during his infancy. It made me cry every time.

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Happiness is a perfect bloom.
Happiness is a great cup of coffee.
Happiness is a warm dog on my lap.

Happiness is the love of my husband, children, family and good friends.

Sunrise at Lake Murray.
Sunset over the Sakonnet
Happiness is a beautiful day.
Happiness is the sweet sound of birdsong.

Happiness is a cloudless sky, except at sunset.
Happiness is a full moon shining down and lighting the world.

Happiness is feeling good about myself when I look into my own eyes.
Happiness is feeling accomplished and successful.

Happiness is the sound of laughter.
Happiness is the feel and smell of a baby's silky-soft skin.
Happiness is a big, warm hug.

Happiness is hearing waves lap on the shore and rippling over rocks.
Happiness is the warm feeling of sun on my skin.

Happiness is a lovely afternoon nap.
Happiness is discovering something new.
Happiness is rediscovering an old kinship.

Happiness is a song well sung or played.
Happiness is working or playing hard and a good hot shower after.
Happiness is being naked outside without shame.
Happiness is a delicious meal.

Happiness can be anything you want.
Happiness just requires a shift in perception; a change of thought.
Happiness is...