Happy Father's Day!

I need to say this to myself: "Happy Father's Day!" I also want to extend this sentiment to all the other mothers out there who filled two roles raising a child. I was both mother and father to my son. I used to celebrate both days for myself, but then I began to feel a little embarrassed. I stopped doing it when that self-consciousness set in. I didn't want everything to always be about Me.

Everything is not always about me. But, I must stop being in denial about my past. I was an unwed mother at age twenty. I chose to keep my child when others wanted me to get an abortion or give my son away to a good family. A good family was better than just me was what they meant. My son's pediatrician was one of those people. After my first year as a mother/father, he apologized to me. He also wrote a glowing recommendation letter for me two decades or more later when I thought I wanted to be a mentor for unwed mothers. I never followed through with that goal, but I really appreciated his kind words of support.

I was both mother and father. I gave birth, breast fed, and nurtured my son to the best of my ability. As he grew older, I got him involved in sports and other activities. I may not have been graceful in my efforts, and I made many mistakes. Some mistakes were huge! But, I tried. And I studied. And I read. And I attended classes and workshops. And I got therapy for me and for him..throughout our lives. I wanted to do the best job I could. Mostly, I wanted to dispel the theory that unwed mothers were not good enough to raise a healthy, productive child alone.

I also knew and recognized that having a father figure in my son's life was critical. So, I had boyfriends I loved and trusted who befriended him and spent time with him. I was and will always be grateful to them for their love and support. I made lots of mistakes, but I tried my best. I was a conscious parent. But, I came into the role with my own childhood pain. I was young and still needed to work through my issues. Unfortunately, I went through my pain and passed some of it onto my son. I will always regret those painful moments. I cannot say how sorry I am for those times.

But, I will never regret my decision to have my son. I loved him and taught him as best I could. I attended swim meets, baseball games, wrestling matches and football games. I sat alone in the bleachers in the cold with all the other fathers, and I didn't understand the game at all. I appreciate the patience they showed me when I asked lots of questions. It was a lonely time.

Happy Father's Day to Me! My son is a happily married, successful architect now, who owns his own home. I could not be a prouder parent if I tried. He is a good man. The mother/single woman in me taught him how to relate to women. I tried to give advice to him through the years from both a female and a male perspective as best I could. It was not easy, but I did it. I must take credit for it. For Me. I am proud of the job I did. I am grateful for the opportunity to be part of the life of the incredible person my son is. I am a proud parent. And, I am proud of my Self. I did it! I raised a good kid. I raised a great man. I deserve to celebrate both days. Just sayin'...

Lest I forget, I also want to thank my loving and supportive family, and my friends. Without their support and help, I could not have been a successful parent at all. Thank you all. I love you.