"If you love them, let them go."

Letting go of people you love is one of the hardest things in the world to do. Walking away from a loved one is heartbreaking. But, sometimes, when a person in your life does not lift you up, doesn't accept or appreciate you for who you are, then that relationship is not healthy enough to continue. Those relationships are like alcohol to an alcoholic: so bad for you, but you just can't stop drinking.

As a single woman, I loved men who were either unavailable in one way or another, or who abused me emotionally or psychologically. They made me feel "less than", belittled and unworthy of a high priority in their lives; of any priority. I was in many cases a substitute for something or someone better they hoped would come along, or an after-thought. I settled for that "love" because I confused love with sex. I didn't feel worthy of healthy, supportive, nourishing love. I didn't love myself enough. I let go of all those men, painfully, and after too long a time hanging onto them. I thought nobody else would come along who would ever love me. I thought I was unlovable. I was wrong. Eventually, after much heartache and many headaches, I let them go. I cried an ocean of tears in my life letting them go, but I did. And, I'm glad I did. Because I found a love in my mature years that I didn't know existed. Had I not let them go, I never would have found what I have now. Had I not risked being alone, I never would have received the blessings I now cherish.

I also let go of people I called "friend" for the same reasons. I realized that many of my friendships were based on partying to an unhealthy level out of boredom or social expectation. One day, I realized an unhealthy friendship was just bringing me down, so I walked away. I let them know and hurt their feelings, but I left just the same. One friend let me go saying, "You make me feel so small. You are a shining star and I feel insignificant around you." I had no idea what to do with that, so I just told her she was shallow to hurt her in return. We still consider each other friends, and I still see other people from my past. We continue to love each other, but our relationships will never be the same. It became clear over time, that it was the right decision to leave because our paths in life were very different. Again, ending the friendship was in the best interest of both of us.

I share DNA with people who treat me the same way. I never thought you were supposed to let them go, but I find that I now must do just that. I love them, but our relationship is unhealthy. We only make each other feel badly about ourselves. My cheeks hurt from turning them so often, so now I must take the advice a good friend gave me. I am taking back my cheek. I am saving my precious cheek and letting it heal from all the slaps of humor at my expense or disappointment at thinking I mattered in their lives when I really am just someone to blame for the disappointment in theirs. I think more of myself to continue to suffer the abuse, even if they were "just kidding". I still feel the pain, and I've had enough.

People who love each other should work to try and accept the other just as they are. Nobody is perfect. But if a person demonstrates they are trying, then the relationship is worth keeping. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder, even if those actions are inconvenient. Communication is essential. Ignoring pain does not make it go away. Talking a problem or situation through is the only way to understand it, resolve it and move on in love. Sometimes resolution takes time and space. But love perseveres and heals. Isn't that what being in relationship is all about? A healthy relationship requires give AND take; ebb and flow, like the tides. If I can't be in the "flow" with someone, then I have to let them go and move onto someone else who can flow with me. Life is way too short to live in pain.