I feel different this holiday season.

Me in Chorus last Christmas

Me as Mrs. Claus

This holiday season is usually uplifting for my Spirit. This year, I'm not feeling the lift as much. I'm not sure why. I really don't think it was the election results, as my husband suspects. I just feel heavy. I quit the Chorus this season for the first time at Christmas. I'll go back in the spring. My heart just wasn't in it this year. I wasn't doing the work, so I paid attention to that behavior and sat in the audience instead. It was a beautiful concert, and really helped to lift my Spirit a bit. I loved watching my friends' faces while they sang. One of the sopranos was even dancing...just like I do. I loved it. It was a good start to my Spiritual shift.

Yesterday, I baked my Grandmother's oatmeal rolls and some Tollhouse Cookies. This morning I baked sugar cookies with red and green sprinkles. They taste delicious. I hope the rolls do. I always worry about burning them or drying them out. I haven't made them in years. Everything gets lost when you don't do it or use it, even baking. It feels good to be done with preparations for the Family Christmas party later today. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone and being festive.

All my shopping is done. I'm keeping it lean this year. I have always over-shopped. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't even want a real tree. I didn't want the work of cleaning up dead needles later. I just pulled out the table-top fake tree, and with my little ceramic trees and a tree-smelling candle, it's enough. I also have a lit wreath on my balcony. My house is festive, just not as much as usual.

Brutha Jimmy

Maybe that's the point. The usual way I have always celebrated the holidays just feels too much. I am tired. I just don't want to do all that work. I did enough, though. I force myself to do what my inner voice says I'm too tired to do. And, when I'm done, I'm happy I did it. "Fake it 'til you make it." That's my motto this season. I don't know why. I guess it doesn't matter. It just is. And, that's okay.

Sistah Mere

If you're feeling heavied out this season, too, I'm not alone. Thanks. I plan to spend today doing a lot of smiling, laughing, eating, drinking, playing and holding my Grandbaby. I can't think of a better way to spend a day. I hope you get at least one day like this before the year's end. I know I'll get at least one more. If not then just smile at a stranger without expectation. Even if they don't respond, which would surprise me (but there are a few like that), they will pass that smile onto someone else. You just won't know about it. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself.  Something inside will shift. You will lighten up just a little. I do, but then, I can be pretty silly sometimes. Silly is a good thing. Try it. You may like it.

Photo by Suzanne Szetela

I wish us all a happy, healthy, very special Holiday Season. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy Winter Solstice. Whatever you celebrate at year's end, I hope it lifts your Spirit. When your Spirit is light, it helps light the World. Our world could use a lot more Light. Let's light her up, Y'all!
"God bless us everyone."