I feel different this holiday season.

Me in Chorus last Christmas

Me as Mrs. Claus

This holiday season is usually uplifting for my Spirit. This year, I'm not feeling the lift as much. I'm not sure why. I really don't think it was the election results, as my husband suspects. I just feel heavy. I quit the Chorus this season for the first time at Christmas. I'll go back in the spring. My heart just wasn't in it this year. I wasn't doing the work, so I paid attention to that behavior and sat in the audience instead. It was a beautiful concert, and really helped to lift my Spirit a bit. I loved watching my friends' faces while they sang. One of the sopranos was even dancing...just like I do. I loved it. It was a good start to my Spiritual shift.

Yesterday, I baked my Grandmother's oatmeal rolls and some Tollhouse Cookies. This morning I baked sugar cookies with red and green sprinkles. They taste delicious. I hope the rolls do. I always worry about burning them or drying them out. I haven't made them in years. Everything gets lost when you don't do it or use it, even baking. It feels good to be done with preparations for the Family Christmas party later today. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone and being festive.

All my shopping is done. I'm keeping it lean this year. I have always over-shopped. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't even want a real tree. I didn't want the work of cleaning up dead needles later. I just pulled out the table-top fake tree, and with my little ceramic trees and a tree-smelling candle, it's enough. I also have a lit wreath on my balcony. My house is festive, just not as much as usual.

Brutha Jimmy

Maybe that's the point. The usual way I have always celebrated the holidays just feels too much. I am tired. I just don't want to do all that work. I did enough, though. I force myself to do what my inner voice says I'm too tired to do. And, when I'm done, I'm happy I did it. "Fake it 'til you make it." That's my motto this season. I don't know why. I guess it doesn't matter. It just is. And, that's okay.

Sistah Mere

If you're feeling heavied out this season, too, I'm not alone. Thanks. I plan to spend today doing a lot of smiling, laughing, eating, drinking, playing and holding my Grandbaby. I can't think of a better way to spend a day. I hope you get at least one day like this before the year's end. I know I'll get at least one more. If not then just smile at a stranger without expectation. Even if they don't respond, which would surprise me (but there are a few like that), they will pass that smile onto someone else. You just won't know about it. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself.  Something inside will shift. You will lighten up just a little. I do, but then, I can be pretty silly sometimes. Silly is a good thing. Try it. You may like it.

Photo by Suzanne Szetela

I wish us all a happy, healthy, very special Holiday Season. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy Winter Solstice. Whatever you celebrate at year's end, I hope it lifts your Spirit. When your Spirit is light, it helps light the World. Our world could use a lot more Light. Let's light her up, Y'all!
"God bless us everyone."

Bad Moms

I saw the movie, Bad Moms, last night. It was just hilarious! My sister-in-law thought it was just "ok". When I heard that, I thought, "Hmm," now I can't wait to see what she didn't like about it. Throughout the movie, I kept saying to my friend, "Oh she wouldn't have liked this," and, "she wouldn't have liked that!" I guess unless you've been a Bad Mom, there's no way you could relate to this movie, or even catch the humor in some of its references like when Amy, played by Mila Kunis, is laying on the couch feeling sorry for her self because her whole family left her and she felt like such a Bad Mom. Her two friends come in to get her ass off that couch, and Carla, played by Kathryn Hahn, says, "Get your tits up off that couch, turn off "Twelve Years a Slave", and get to that auditorium!" I am paraphrasing here, but that movie reference was priceless! What mother hasn't felt like a slave to their family's needs at some point? Especially, if that mother is trying her best to be the best mother she can be, which essentially means a "Super Woman".

The movie is wild, honest, crass, and full of humor. We belly-laughed many times before the credits rolled. By the way, wait for the credits, because one of the best parts comes during them. I was a Bad Mom. Being a Bad Mom really means trying to do it all, and never being very successful at all of it. That was me. I tried my hardest to be a good mom, but sometimes my failures still haunt me. I know what they were, and now I just force myself to get my tits up off the couch and move on!

As a side note, Christina Applegate and Jada Pinkett Smith played characters I've never seen them do before. It was interesting to watch.

Father's Day

My Dad and My Son

Happy Father's Day! I love that our society created holidays to celebrate the humans' need to emote and express with Joy. It is always important to acknowledge and celebrate Love. I love my father. I love that my son is a new father. I love that he got a father to love in adulthood. I love that my husband became a father and a grandfather through me. I love that I fulfilled my fatherly role to the best of my ability. Not only did I bear and raise a child, I was the father substitute for my siblings growing up. Fathers rock!

Fathers also have a bad rep. There are men who seeded children who are not fathers. There are fathers who never learned how to Love. There are angry, bitter fathers. But, there are also fathers who weren't allowed to try. And, there are fathers who prefer just not to know. They are detached.

Fatherhood is important. Fatherly Love is critical, like Motherly Love. In an ideal world, both are required to raise healthy children. When one man and one woman are not possible or desired, the roles should nevertheless be maintained at some reasonable level. The roles being preserved should be respected and make a positive difference in a young Life. Fathers matter. Have you heard Kelly Clarkson's new song, Piece by Piece? Her last American Idol performance as the first season winner fourteen years ago will make you cry. She sings about her father and her husband. It is a very powerful song about fathers and men. I love that it reached number one on the charts.

Fatherhood is necessary. Human beings are masculine and feminine. We have combined genes from our mothers and our fathers. We are social beings who need Connection, Acceptance and Love. We need Fathers as much as we need Mothers. Sometimes it does take a Village to raise a child. I bought Hillary's book on the subject way back in 1996. Family matters. Family is the social network in which we live and hopefully thrive. In a good way. Families vary in size and structure. Sometimes in society, we try to put round family pegs into square societal holes. Differences are important. We are all different. Viva la difference!

Parents are required. Parenting, mentoring, and guidance are needed. They are also extremely hard to Live. They are difficult to practice. It is one thing to think and believe a behavior, and another to do it. Especially if your goal is to do it well and with a positive effect. If a parent makes a mistake or misbehaves, they must try again and strive to be better. There is no handbook on how to parent. Everybody is different. Every situation is different.There are common denominators, but many other variables affecting any given situation.

Forgiveness is required. Sometimes, we must forgive a parent, a child or ourselves. Self forgiveness can be the most difficult. But it is important to persevere, so Love can survive and thrive. Love will survive. And, Love will overcome fear. Fathers and Mothers teach Love. They demonstrate Love. Hopefully, we all strive to learn to love Unconditionally. This is the most difficult Love of all to Live. Unconditional Love is possible. Does one love a dog or cat unconditionally? Why would a person deserve any less Love than a beloved pet?

My Son and His Son

When you remember your father, your husband, your brother, your grandfather, your uncle, your cousin, your son, or your friend, remember that Love reigns today! We are celebrating our Love of Fathers. We have created this day to celebrate our Love. Happy Father's Day!