Getting Un-Stuck

Writing is hard work. Reliving choices I'm not so proud of in my past by writing a memoir is much harder. Walking down memory lane is like climbing this tree. Once I get to the first branch, the climbing is easy. But as I reach the top-most branches, my climb becomes precarious at best. I am stuck there, high above my Self; looking down. In looking down, I become afraid of falling. Falling into the dark places I am too afraid to venture. They are gone. Why go there again?

My past contributed to making me who I am today. I am a product of my choices: Some were healthy, and some were not. But the unhealthy ones offered lessons I could not have learned otherwise. Those lessons were useful and provided knowledge to maneuver through the maze of Life.

A Sage I met in the mid-1970's said that "knowledge is the key to understanding". I have made a Life's journey out of acquiring knowledge. But the knowing I seek is of my inner-most Self. The journey to Self is life-long, and well worth the effort. But, like climbing the tree, it does not come without some scratches, cuts  and bruises. Bandaids and antibiotics were made for healing those wounds.

Love is the healer. If a cut leaves a scar, the scar becomes a reminder of "the good fight". It is a symbol of reaching an even higher limb; a greater level of knowledge. Learning to love my Self; even my dark side, is healing and is required to achieve happiness. Happiness is floating down a lazy river in the sunshine while birds sing and fish make splashes around me. Learning to go with the flow of life by turning "upstream thoughts" into "downstream thoughts" is challenging, but very doable with practice. Practicing every moment of every day is my Life process.

I will find my prize at the end of this double rainbow when I reach the other side of this Life. But as I travel on my journey, I continue to notice every-day prizes like that tree, the river and the rainbow; the bird song and the fish jumps.

Making time to quiet my mind, especially "the squirrels in my head", as my sister would say, is one of my greatest challenges. Those critters keep me stuck. But they are smaller than me, and cannot keep me down. They are in the past, and the past is over. I am here in the Now. I take a deep breath and blow out the pain. I realize my past cannot hurt me, it enriches me. I become like the rainbow: full of beautiful color and light.

Writing this blog post is my first step back to that memoir and those memories. They are now in perspective and I can move forward once more.